Building Relationships, Building Business

So I was talking to a business consultant the other day, and he was talking about the importance of building a relationship BEFORE you ask for business. According to him, timing is everything--and in an ideal world, people would come to know and trust you and then offer you the business--without you having to ask. Of course, the world isn't perfect.

He had an interesting perspective. He told me that talking about business right away with some prospects is like talking about sex right away with a date. Instead of starting off with some basic conversation, getting to know each other and so on, it's like starting off with a "wanna go back to my place?" It's all a bit jarring--and it comes too soon, before you even know the person.

But building relationships does come with its problems. For one, sometimes you need the business now--not months down the road, after lots of coffee shop meetings and casual emails with interesting article links "just because." It seems like a good way to put yourself out there, but not the only way--and it takes the control out of your hands.

Also--and this problem isn't one everyone faces--but as a young single woman, sometimes the response I get when I try to "build relationships" isn't exactly the kind I had in mind. I think I'm asking a web designer out to coffee because I want to explore the idea of working together--but he thinks I have a more personal interest. This leads to awkward misunderstandings and situations sometimes.

Of course, you can build relationships in many ways. It's one thing social media marketing is supposed to do for you. I've done my best to do things for people without asking for anything back--I've passed on several referrals to people I'd like to work with, and I regularly pass on resumes of people I work with to my recruiter friends if there's a match and it's the right situation. Hopefully these good deeds will lead to business down the road, but you never know--and really, if you do this kind of thing just because you want something back, you're kind of missing the point.

Basically, I think relationship building is a good habit to get into--but it's tough to make it your primary business-building strategy. How do you build relationships--and what has it led to?