Gender Generalizations: Asking for Trouble?

Just now I had someone make a gender-based generalization on my blog. It was pretty inoffensive, and I even related to it--but even so it stirred the pot a little bit. I had planned to reply in the comments, but every time I did my comment turned out about as long as a regular blog post. I thought this topic was too interesting not to devote an entire post to.

I relate to some gender-based generalizations--for instance, I'm not as strong as most guys I know. I'm aware of it. I come with all the necessary equipment to give birth, and I'm aware that guys don't. However, I do think that if you make general gender statements in public--even about something as obvious as physical difference--you're asking for trouble. Here's why I think it's a bad idea to make gender-generalization comments on your business blog.

Because nothing applies to everybody. Okay, some gender generalizations seem really obvious. But even some of the really obvious ones may not apply to the particular people who are hearing you. And I know that whenever I hear a generalization about women that I don't feel applies to me, I always feel a little twinge of annoyance. I start thinking something like "this person doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm not like that." I get a little defensive. Often I look at the situation rationally a little later and realize that the person means well--but my first reaction is always negative.

When you make generalizations about gender, you run the risk of giving a definition of manhood or womanhood that doesn't include the listener. And chances are that even if the person you're talking to doesn't get all offended, he or she probably had an internal moment of annoyance.

Because you'd be surprised at what's offensive to some. You know the one that sometimes bothers me? That old stereotype that women are more nurturing than men. You'd think that statement wouldn't be offensive; after all, being nurturing is a positive thing and if anything, women should like that such a positive quality is associated with them.

But I don't see it that way. I guess because to me, it sounds like saying women aren't as "tough" as men; or because women are so nurturing they're biologically better suited to staying home and having babies than going out in the world and being successful. To me--and to some other women I know--that phrase "women are more nurturing" has a lot of negative connotations. Someone who doesn't understand those associations might make a perfectly innocent comment about the nurturing nature of women--and cause offense where it wasn't meant. That's the thing about gender generalizations--you think what you're saying is perfectly innocent or even positive, but you might not know what you're wading into.

Even "physical" generalizations might cause offense. There's a lot of science out there that says women and men problem-solve, listen, and see the world differently. But not even scientific studies are always the last word--this article in the Boston Globe makes a lot of sense to me. It discusses how the studies that back up gender-based stereotypes are not always as conclusive as they look.

How good is the science behind brain difference studies? I'm not sure. But whether they're right or wrong isn't the point, in my opinion. If somebody tells me women or men are a certain way because their brains or hormones or something else in their bodies are just different, it doesn't close the conversation for me. And it might not be closed for whoever you're talking to. I'll still get a little bothered when someone tells me women are worse drivers than men, for example, even though there's a study out there that backs it.

Because even if you don't mean to be sexist, you can come off looking that way. Some people might not be offended at all by gender stereotyping--they may even agree with some stereotypes. But unless you know how everyone you're talking to will respond, gender generalizations are definitely risky. Even if you don't mean to sound sexist, starting a conversation with "Women are all...." or "Men always..." might get people to see you as the type of person who makes assumptions based on gender--especially if they don't know you well.

Some people get annoyed at the fact that they have to watch what they say to avoid offending people. I know a lot of people who might say something like "well, if it's so easy to offend people, maybe they're the problem. Maybe they need to lighten up." I'm not really interested in judging whether it's wrong or right that people can get prickly over gender generalizations--but I think the reality is that they do. In a world where some social pitfalls are hard to spot, gender generalizations are obvious and easy to avoid--so why wouldn't you?